Voicemail

31st October 2007

posted in Life in General |

As a kid, I was always mature. A smart, nerdy kid who kept to herself and always had her face burried in books. Not popular in school or anything like that. When I was 9, TWFKAM decided that year to make our summer trip to the Dominican Republic a little later in the summer so that she could celebrate my birthday party there, August 20th. Trips to DR took months to plan. Before school was out, she called me to the kitchen where she was making dinner. She says, “BTW, this trip to DR is for you to meet your REAL father. That man who you’ve called “Papa” he’s not your real father. You’ll meet him this summer.” I looked at her, said ok and went back to doing my homework.

That summer, I met him. SHE took me to HIM. Turns out that while all this time I thought I was an only child (and still consider myself as such), I actually have TONS of brothers and sisters. This man even named his youngest child after me. Upon reflection, he named her Rosi out of guilt probably. He seemed a perfectly fine man. I didn’t speak to him much. I was also very shy.

The day of my birthday party, he sent me a book on Catechism. He never showed up.

Every year, I would go to DR for a month or 6 weeks during the summer. He would come to the town where my family is from and see me. I always looked at it as he would come to see what “goodies” my mother had sent him because I never heard from him the rest of the year.

I stopped calling the man I thought was my father Dad. He didn’t live with me but I did have a relationship with him. After he and my mother separated, he never remarried nor did he have any other children. As far as he knew, I was his only child. As far as I know, to this day he still thinks I’m his daughter. I NEVER called my real father Dad either. I guess the child in me didn’t know what to do.

I got my first job at 15. From then on I funded my trips to DR myself. The summer I was to turn 16, he came to see me with a friend of his. We sat in the front of the house sipping on some cool drinks. All 3 of us. I had two gold chains on. One from my father in the States and one I’d bought myself. So his friend says, “Compadre, your chest looks sooo bare. Not even a little chain or anything.” I’ve already told you guys I was no fool. I KNEW what his compadre was referring to. My father told him to be quiet, but one of those “be quiets” that is only meant half-seriously. After a bit, the compadre said, “Rosi, why don’t you give your father one of those chains you have? You DO have TWO!” I looked at him and said no and got up and walked away.

My father followed me and asked me to go to the park with him for a walk. When we get to the park he says he’s ready to tell me the whole story of what happened. He says, “Let’s chat. Want a beer? You’re old enough. No? Ok, I’ll have one though.” :roll:

He proceeded to tell me how my mother and he had an affair. Then they fought and she got together with the man I knew as my father in the States. BUT their affair continued. She came to the US followed by her husband - the one that raised me. When she realized she was pregnant and KNEW that it was from my real father, she called him. She told him that she was pregnant. He told her he wanted no part of it because she left so for her to stay with her NEW HUSBAND. And that is why I didn’t know of him until I was almost 10.

That was the last time I saw him. I think I spoke to him once or so on the phone when he would call NY to speak to TWFKAM. She still kept in contact with him.

This morning when I got to work, there was a voicemail from someone. I don’t know who.

“Rosi, your tia Ana (my father’s sister) wanted me to call you and let you know that your father passed away on Oct. 25th.”

What a fucking joke. A fucking voicemail. No name, no number.

I got the number from the caller ID. I’ve left two VOICEMAILS to HER and haven’t heard back.

I haven’t been able to stop crying. I don’t even know why.

May he rest in peace.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 31st, 2007 at 11:43 am and is filed under Life in General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On October 31st, 2007, Necia said:

Aw hugsssssssssss! Cry it out girl! Get it out, and be done with it! This is one of those good riddance situations. You may feel you lost out, but in reality you came out on top! Any man can be a dad, but not all are meant to be Fathers. Turn this negative into a positive. He stepped up, and showed you the poor excuse of a man that he was. You didn’t miss out on anything. You was saved a lot of heartbreak, disapointment, and misery from the man who help to make you! Aren’t you glad you only have one so so memory of him not showing up for your birthday, than numerous memories of him flaking? If I know you, I know you’ll be fine. Cry it out, and keep it moving!

Necia

posted on October 31st, 2007 at 11:51 am

2 On October 31st, 2007, Jeanine said:

Oh… I’m SOOOOO very sorry. Yes, cry it all out. It sounds like you are crying because
whatever feelings you had suppressed long ago are coming to surface. What a cold
way to leave such sad news and to not call back. It sounds like you really need to heal.
Hugs.

posted on October 31st, 2007 at 12:01 pm

3 On October 31st, 2007, Chante said:

I’m so sorry for your loss. Like they said cry it out, you can’t keep any emotions built up inside you. Wether your crying out of anger or loss let it out so you can be done with it. My prayers are with you.

posted on October 31st, 2007 at 12:44 pm

4 On October 31st, 2007, terri said:

Of course you’re gonna cry, sweetie. That is very traumatic! I’m so sorty to hear your sad news. Sorry you got so ripped off as a youngster. That was a harsh way to learn such important information (the info. your mother gave you about your dad’s identity, and the voicemail you just received). ooo, Terri

posted on October 31st, 2007 at 1:14 pm

5 On October 31st, 2007, alyson said:

Oh, girl. That’s lousy. It’s hard because of all that distance, and losing someone with whom you really *should* have had a close relationship but never got to build one….and here a week later and you’re just now hearing about it. I know (and it’s sad) that I’ll be in this same place some day - I read your post nodding my head the whole time. I’m sorry you lost someone, and I’m sorry it wasn’t ever what it should have been. I wish I could give you a big hug. I love ya, lady.

posted on October 31st, 2007 at 1:58 pm

6 On October 31st, 2007, Aimee said:

*hugs* I think today has been craptastic all around. *hugs* I am so sorry that all you got was a VM. That really sucks. I am so sorry.

posted on October 31st, 2007 at 2:49 pm

7 On October 31st, 2007, Wanda said:

*hugs to you* Even though this man who was your biological father and with whom you didn’t have a relationship, in his death, there can never be a meaningful end. I’m really sorry you have to deal with this. Although it’s sad for you now, get your tears out and you will feel better. Take care.

posted on October 31st, 2007 at 6:50 pm

8 On October 31st, 2007, Andree said:

I am so sorry for your loss.

posted on October 31st, 2007 at 8:59 pm

9 On October 31st, 2007, Stacey said:

Ooh I am so sorry to hear this Rosi! Thanks for sharing but please know you are in my prayers for peace in the midst of this situation.
Plesse let me know if you want to talk!

posted on October 31st, 2007 at 10:37 pm

10 On October 31st, 2007, Karen said:

*hugs* Let it all out. The girls above gave good advice. Thank you for sharing something so personal.

posted on October 31st, 2007 at 10:49 pm

11 On October 31st, 2007, Monica said:

Rosi,

I think it is natural to cry for the sheer loss, the loss of a biological father, the loss of opportunity, the loss of a relationship that you did not have. Mourn the loss in the best way for you, as Necia said cry it out.

Hugs from Jersey!

posted on October 31st, 2007 at 10:51 pm

12 On October 31st, 2007, turtlegirl76 said:

I wish I could say something to comfort you. You deserve better closure than a voicemail. I’m so sorry.

posted on October 31st, 2007 at 11:58 pm

13 On November 1st, 2007, Audrey said:

Sorry for your loss

posted on November 1st, 2007 at 7:37 am

14 On November 1st, 2007, Audrey said:

So sorry for your loss.

15 On November 1st, 2007, Kelli said:

I am so sorry for your loss and for the insensitive way in which you were told. You and your family are in my prayers.

Thank you for sharing such a personal situation that so many can relate to.

posted on November 1st, 2007 at 2:27 pm

16 On November 2nd, 2007, Nancy said:

Awww,, Sweetie,, so sorry! You’ve def not had it easy. We are all here for you tho, don’t forget that!

posted on November 2nd, 2007 at 1:56 am

17 On November 2nd, 2007, Batty said:

Hugs to you. What a way to find out!

posted on November 2nd, 2007 at 6:37 pm

18 On November 3rd, 2007, Evelyn said:

I’m very sorry for your loss. Mas triste es la forma en que ese mesaje te llego. Como lo siento.

posted on November 3rd, 2007 at 7:05 am

19 On November 4th, 2007, Memeeflye said:

It is okay to mourn the loss of human life and it is okay to cry. “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning…” & I hope your morning is filled with promise.

posted on November 4th, 2007 at 2:48 am

20 On November 5th, 2007, Sherri said: