The Soapy Knitter

(this is exactly what a week would be like at the gym for Rosi G.)

  If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something
Wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted
To get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a
Week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school
Football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good
Idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal
Trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old
Aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim
Wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!
The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found
It was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find
Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -
With blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo
Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed
Watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics
Class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was
Already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the
Door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar
Into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little
Wobbly on the treadmill, but I made t he full mile. Belinda’s
Rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a
Whole new life for me.

_______________________________

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on
The counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I
Believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as
Long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO
In the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams
Bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for
That early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this
Nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on
The stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to
Simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda
Told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said
Some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed
As her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I
Couldn’t help being a half an hour late - it took me that long
To tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not
Looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny
Bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine — which I
Sank.
_______________________________

FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever
Hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid,
Skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part
Of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat
Her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any
Triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me
The damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and
Nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer,
Like the drama coach or the choir director?

________________________________
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
Shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just
Hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my
Planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV
Remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
Weather Channel.

________________________________

SUNDAY:
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can
Go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that
Next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for
Me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I say if God
had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Have you ever heard the saying, “No hagas una tempestad en un vaso de agua?” (Translation: “Don’t make a storm in a cup of water.”) This is usually me. I’m usually the one to freak out over small things and then later say, “ok, it’s not that bad!”

This knit reflects NONE of that attitude! When I first saw this pattern in Knitty I told my friends that I would NOT be making a cardigan where I had to sew 14 buttons!! HELL NO! Yea, well, I ate those words. Happily.

(sorry, blurry pic, but you get the idea!!)

I would love to make another one of these using fingering weight yarn. I would knit a size or two larger because my arms are kind of big. The cardigan is designed to fit snugly so it accentuates my drumstick arms, as you can see by the pictures. Now, ask me if I care?! LOL

And look! A cardigan that actually BUTTONS all the way down for me!! WOO HOO!

One of my favorite features is the buttons.

There’s a story behind them. I originally went to the same store where I bought the buttons for my Capitán Hat. I needed 14 buttons for this cardigan and I REALLY did not want to spend over $1 each, as is the norm in this store. So I’m looking and looking and that’s all I find. So an employee comes up to me and says, “Can I help you?” I said, “I need 14 buttons but I was trying not to spend over $1 each.” He actually SMIRKED at me and then said, “Try Lou Lou Buttons on 38th between 5th and 6th and walked away.” THE EFFIN BASTARD!!! I was beyond pissed. Rolled my eyes at him and said, “I sure WILL!” This older woman who was standing nearby had heard the entire conversation. She said, “What address did he say??” I told her and left.

I went to Lou Lou and let me tell you that the customer service was FANTASTIC. I browsed around a bit and finally asked the gentleman there for help. I pulled out my cardigan and he started pulling out buttons!! He said, “A knitter is an artist and the cardigan should express that. I suggest you use different colored buttons.” Damn, the dude was totally right! The older waoman showed up a few minutes afterwards and I asked her opinion on the colors. She says, “Oh, that’s a beautiful cardigan. I’m a Knitter also.” I felt that K needs to be capitalized in Knitter because she said it as if it were a proper name. I agree. From here on in, I feel as if I’ve graduated to a capital K so that’s what you’ll see! Knitter! But I digress….

So, Lou helped me pick out buttons. These are from Ecuador. They’re called Fruit of the Tree buttons made from Corozo Nuts. And guess what?? I GLADLY paid $1 each for these buttons. GLAD.LY!!! And I’ll be back for more. I suggest anyone in the New York area needing buttons go here, too. Eff that other place!!!

Back to Tempest: Altho the schematic on this pattern says the armhole for the size F is 14.5” and the garment stretches ALOT, I can’t wear anything under the sweater. I will have to use it with tank tops only. That’s fine, but it was an easy and fast enough knit that I would love to have another that I could wear over a T-shirt or a button down shirt w/long sleeves. So I started another using Lorna’s Laces, in a size larger!!!! (Grey’s Corner and Mineshaft colorways.)

All in all, this is a FANTASTIC pattern. I’ve never knit a cardigan so quickly. I mean, all you have to do is count STRIPES as opposed to counting rows. You’d be surprised as to how much time is saved by this!

Thanks for a great pattern, Weaverknits!

Tempest Cardigan

• Source: knitty
• Yarn: Yarn Ahoy Laceweight Merino - a total of 975 yds (pattern calls for a total of 1,310 yds)
• Colorways: Mirage and Overdyed Blacks
• Needles: Size US3, 4 and 6
• Cost: $28 per skein, Blacks colorway: 0.32 used of skein - $8.96, Mirage colorway: 0.46 used of skein - $12.88, 14 buttons from Lou Lou Buttons in NYC - $15.02 - TOTAL COST: $36.86 (not bad for a beautiful cardigan!!!)
• Started: May 14, 2008
• Finished: June 20, 2008
• Size knit: F, 41″ chest
• My gauge: 6 sts and 7 rows per inch
• Mods: I was carrying the unused yarn from each stripe on the side of the knit. The pattern calls for the larger stripes to be 13 rows in this size. This would’ve had me changing colors on rows where the other color was NOT waiting to be picked up so I knit 14 row stripes instead. This worked out perfectly! I think if I would’ve done 13 row stripes the cardigan would’ve fit kind of short anyway, not to mention all those extra ends to weave in!

Why, hello there!!

I’m glad you all enjoyed oogling my new books! Trust me when I tell ya that I’m enjoying them, too!

I have an announcement:  I’ve created a pattern store.  Yep, that’s right.  Your very own one-stop Rosi G. pattern shopping!  Have at it!  Keep an eye on it for new stuff (got two in the works right now!)

I have no yarn pr0n for you today. Instead I bring you shawl pr0n. Just as lovely. Sometimes even lovelier!

Here I bring you Anne Hanson’s Star of Evening shawl.

I’ll give you all ONE guess as to what company’s yarn I used for this shawl.

Yep. You got that right. Schaeffer. After all, it’s my favorite yarn company. Keep that in mind when you wanna spoil Rosi G.

You can see the beautiful detail in this pattern.

You would be AMAZED at how simple it is to knit!! The pattern repeats are ridiculously easy to remember. Hence it only took me a week to finish.

This yarn blocked so well. I love it. OF COURSE I do! It’s Schaeffer!

Star of Evening

• Source: knitspot
• Yarn: Schaeffer Yarn Company Heather - 1.23 skeins (492 yds)
• Colorway: Cobblestone
• Needle: Size US 8
• Cost: $28.50 per skein, used 1.23 = $35.05
• Started: May 22, 2008
• Finished: May 29, 2008
• Size knit: scarf-size in pattern
• Note: The only thing of note is that the pattern calls for 300 yds of laceweight yarn on size 3 needles for the scarf sized. Maybe I used almost 500 yds because I used a fingering weight and size 8 needles.